What would yesterday’s classic literature authors say on Twitter?
Well, let’s find out.
Homer sing to me, Muse, and explain why Poseidon has blotted out my chances of getting into Stanford?
Franz Kafka just woke up as a bug. W.T.F.
Friedrich Nietzsche High school is dead! But for some reason we still have to go.
Emily Dickinson
I heard my cell buzz – when I died
The stillness in the room
Broken by a text msg –
OMG im liek between the heaves of storms
gtg!
Dr. Seuss is flabber-de-gasted with the piles and piles of chemistry woozits and American history whozits that must be contained within one strained brain!
Jane Austen must express how ardently I admire and love Beyonce! But I am in no humour to give consequence to Lady Gaga.
Shakespeare to study the Bolshevik revolution or not to study the Bolshevik Rev, whether ’tis nobler to endure the slings and arrows of Mr. Greener when he ascertains I know nothing of the Russian uprising but ne’er the less be richer in spirit for having at last bested “Call of Duty: World at War.”
Oscar Wilde does not approve of anything that tampers with ignorance. It is like a delicate, exotic fruit—touch it and the bloom is gone! Fortunately in high school, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever.
Ernest Hemingway no longer dreams of storms, nor of women, nor of fish. Just of lolcatz!
Nathaniel Hawthorne OMG not cool my GF is TOTALLY cheating. Anyone have a Big Red A lying around?
Herman Melville swells his bosom with rage at the thought of a victorious Adam Lambert. If my chest were a cannon I would burst my hot heart’s shell upon him!
Allen Ginsberg saw the best minds of my Spanish class destroyed by boredom, playing secret, starving hysterical games on their phones, hollow-eyed starry dynamos waiting for a bell to expel them from third period.
F. Scott Fitzgerald is simultaneously attracted to and repelled by the infinite variety of “Laguna Beach” rip-offs on the tube.
Courtesey of SparkNotes.
